I had one of the most amazing days of my life on Saturday! I am still on a high now, and smiled all day yesterday despite being slightly hungover and knackered. My best mates and I had been looking forward to the SW4 festival for a while, and it did not disappoint.
My friend Chris moved to London over a year ago from Wales and lives in Balham, which luckily is within walking distance of Clapham Common…bonus! Although I love coming to London I am not a big fan of the tube (anxiety/slight claustrophobia), so relished the fact that we could actually get to and from the festival on foot.
Pre rave jitters
The build up to the event was going on for weeks through group messages. We were sharing photos, music, gifs and deciding what we were going to wear, what acts we wanted to see, travel arrangements etc. Most of all we just couldn’t wait to see each other.
All this coupled with the fact that last week was my PMT week, and the normal anxiety of leaving Little M meant that I had a tension headache for a couple of days and a few nights of insomnia. I have just accepted that this would happen. Excitement and anxiety are two sides of the same coin, and it is not a sign of me getting ill again.
On Saturday morning John and Molly dropped me at the train station and off I went. She was fine and didn’t cry which meant that the usual heavy feeling of dread in my chest wasn’t that bad. Now that she is 2 and a half she understands that when one of us leave we come back, and it is definitely getting easier to leave her.
I texted John when I arrived to let him know I had got there safely, and then I made a point of not texting him for the rest of the day. Previously I had been known to send texts to ‘remind’ him to do things, or ask what she had eaten, if she had had a nap etc, but I don’t do that anymore.
John is more than capable of looking after her, they have loads of fun together, and what’s the point of going away if you’re still parenting in the background? This was my day off and I was going to bloody well enjoy it!
Baby brain off, adult brain on
When you spend every waking hour with a little person who doesn’t speak properly and only watches CBeebies, it is pretty hard to descramble your mushy brain and remember how to talk to adults again. One of my friends has a son the same age but we made a point of not talking about them (much).
After a few beers though my adult brain was engaged, and as we entered the festival and soaked up the atmosphere I began to feel like myself again. How amazing to be sat in the sun with a cold drink, and listen to actual proper music instead of the Peppa Pig theme tune. I had my denim shorts on, glitter on my face, and I was ready to go!
24 hour party people
The festival itself is all about dance music, and boy did we dance! We spent most of the day in the drum & bass tent though, the atmosphere was electric. I took it all in, just seeing people smiling, laughing, hugging their mates (and strangers!) gave me such a buzz. Everyone was there for the same reason…to have a good time.
The day passed in a blur of drinking, dancing, chatting and laughing. We met loads of weird and wonderful people, and I wasn’t even that bothered about the grim portaloos! I completely reignited my love for dancing (I was worried I’d forgotten how to do it), and we all strengthened our bonds of friendship.
Eventually day turned into night though and it was time to head home. We had such a laugh back at the house, talking about old times and listening to our favourite music. I was sensible and went to bed around 2am (I had a train to catch at 10am) while a few of the others stayed up.
As we said our goodbyes the day after and I made my way home, I just couldn’t stop smiling. It had only been 24 hours but during that time I had completely switched off from the real world, released a lot of built up tension, lost myself in the music and fell in love with my best friends all over again.
I also proved to myself that I can still be me, I can go away for a night and not worry about my baby, because nothing bad is going to happen.
When I arrived at the train station Molly came running into my arms, and it was the best feeling ever. So it’s back to my little family and reality, time to flip the switch back to mummy mode. I’ll certainly have a little spring in my step for a while yet though, and we’re already planning our next outing. Can’t wait!